I'd say letting that server bounce and having the watchdog/load balancer work to keep you at capacity is the best option there. You are going to need that infrastructure anyway and if you can't malloc enough for one more client, who is to say that the existing stuff is going to be able to continue either?
You should count on any particular instance bouncing when that happens, and design your system to survive that. You should also invest some effort to figure out why your system can get into that state. Consider if any particular instance should be attempting to accept more jobs than it has the ability to handle. I shouldn't be able to trigger an out of memory situation on your IRC server just by connecting as many irc clients as I can.
You should count on any particular instance bouncing when that happens, and design your system to survive that. You should also invest some effort to figure out why your system can get into that state. Consider if any particular instance should be attempting to accept more jobs than it has the ability to handle. I shouldn't be able to trigger an out of memory situation on your IRC server just by connecting as many irc clients as I can.